*Losing Fight*
I am losing the fight that I have for losing weight. I hate it. Why do I have to have a metabolism that causes me to gain weight? Why do others seem to get "skinny genes"? I just want to be happy with myself. I just want to be content.
Now don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy. I know that I'm not right now, but I'm changing that. I just don't want to feel bad when I look in the mirror. Or when I'm getting dressed. I don't want the thought, "Ugh, I am repulsive. How could anyone look at me? Why does Paul think I'm beautiful? He must be just lying to appease me. I am nasty looking" going through my head every few minutes of every day.
I want to be able to find clothes made to fit me that are nice looking (ie flattering and cute) that don't cost a fortune. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to work on the important things and not worry about this. I want to be a happy person who is in love with Jesus, Paul and life. I don't want to have to fight with this anymore. I just can't seem to get motivated to become "skinny" and I'm not sure why.
A little secret, if I lost weight I'd have a more likely chance to get pregnant. Another secret, I want a baby more than anything. Another secret, it still doesn't make a difference.
I can run around and play with the kids next door. I can walk without getting too winded. I can play sports for an hour or two and be okay. And if I did these things more often (ie if we had children) my stamina would increase. I just don't want to fuss over everything having to do with weight.
I just don't want to feel like crap about myself every single day of my life!! I want to feel beautiful and know that I am. I want to be happy with who I am now, not who I might never be. Yes, I'm always trying to become better at lots of things. However, I just want to give up the fight.
I don't know. Unless you've struggled with weight issues, I don't think you could ever understand. I know that every woman wants to be more beautiful or something, but this is just so different.
Now don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy. I know that I'm not right now, but I'm changing that. I just don't want to feel bad when I look in the mirror. Or when I'm getting dressed. I don't want the thought, "Ugh, I am repulsive. How could anyone look at me? Why does Paul think I'm beautiful? He must be just lying to appease me. I am nasty looking" going through my head every few minutes of every day.
I want to be able to find clothes made to fit me that are nice looking (ie flattering and cute) that don't cost a fortune. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to work on the important things and not worry about this. I want to be a happy person who is in love with Jesus, Paul and life. I don't want to have to fight with this anymore. I just can't seem to get motivated to become "skinny" and I'm not sure why.
A little secret, if I lost weight I'd have a more likely chance to get pregnant. Another secret, I want a baby more than anything. Another secret, it still doesn't make a difference.
I can run around and play with the kids next door. I can walk without getting too winded. I can play sports for an hour or two and be okay. And if I did these things more often (ie if we had children) my stamina would increase. I just don't want to fuss over everything having to do with weight.
I just don't want to feel like crap about myself every single day of my life!! I want to feel beautiful and know that I am. I want to be happy with who I am now, not who I might never be. Yes, I'm always trying to become better at lots of things. However, I just want to give up the fight.
I don't know. Unless you've struggled with weight issues, I don't think you could ever understand. I know that every woman wants to be more beautiful or something, but this is just so different.
posted by Rachel at 2:55 PM
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